Friday, April 24, 2009

wembley meets ball stealing look alike..

i'm a lover not a fighter.. but when it comes to bizarro ball stealing dog, i've gots to show who's boss.

p.s. this dog also has an english name. shilling..


Thursday, April 23, 2009

am i being a hypocrite??

Stop Anthropomorphizing Me - via the onion

Written By my Friend Gerald the Dog


I know this is going to come across a bit harsh, but I want to get straight to the point. Speaking on behalf of myself and all other completely nonhuman members of my species, I must insist that the practice of anthropomorphizing us stops right now.

I am not a human. I am a dog. I can't talk. I can't say a full sentence. Not even close. I can't experience complex emotions, I can't laugh, I can't rob a bank, and I have no idea that my name is Gerald. I can't even write, people, so please stop this anthropomorphizing business this instant.

It's not funny.

The amusement you get out of this unoriginal, overused—what shall I call it?—this fetish simply boggles the mind. What is your fascination with having animals speak? I'm a dog, for crying out loud. My brain weighs three-and-a-half ounces. Three-and-a-half ounces. I can barely understand what's going on around me, and what little knowledge I do possess is based primarily on smell. So tell me, why do you keep putting me at poker tables and making me dance and sing the blues? I do not wear hats and I certainly did not receive my doctorate in media criticism from Harvard University. I can assure you, if I were ever given a diploma, I would eat it. So, I beg you, for the last time, stop this right now.

It's silly and trite and it demeans us both.

These days, everywhere you look there's a dog dressed as a businessman or a dog solving crimes—things humans do! Not dogs! If I were a human, which, again I'm not, I imagine I'd feel slightly insulted by the media's continual rehashing of this trope. Do you realize that right now, somewhere in Los Angeles, a bunch of high-paid executives are just sitting around going, "They'll buy it if the bulldog keeps saying 'sausage' over and over again"? Doesn't that matter to you people?

It's beyond a cliché at this point. Pretending animals have the capacity to converse with one another on an intellectual level was a trite concept even back in 600 B.C., when Aesop, who I believe was a contemporary of Croesus, used the device to teach simple moral lessons with foxes and hens.

Now, here we are, two millennia later, and it's still being used to sell you guys beer. Come on.

Do you remember Lassie? Lassie made sense. When something went wrong, Lassie didn't say, "Hey, ma, we got a problem. I'll drive us there." She barked. Because that's what dogs do. Bark. When I want something, I bark. When I perceive that something has upset the status quo, I bark. What I don't do is perfectly interweave multisyllabic words from the English language to reflect my dismay.

As David Hume once said, "A wise man proportions his belief to the evidence." And the evidence on my end is clear: I'm a fucking dog. The smartest I'm ever going to get is barking at the front door when I have to go to the bathroom, so stop imbuing me with eloquence and pith!

While portraying dogs as humans may bring you satisfaction, consider that this satisfaction is, in actuality, rooted in extreme egoism, borne out of a deeper and more extreme insecurity: To see a lesser creature acting and speaking as you speak is at once validating and entertaining, for along with the silly laugh comes the calming reassurance that no other mammal on Earth can possesses advanced thought. You laugh because your place in the world remains unthreatened.

Bow wow. I am peeing on some important papers right now and don't even realize it.

Say, I've got an idea. Why don't we just get it all out of our systems right now? On the count of three, let's all have a hearty laugh over the hilarious incongruity of a dog in an astronaut's suit, and then we can sigh, shake our heads silently at one another, and get back to you being the grand expression of evolution, and me being the thing that eats pizza out of the garbage.

Unless you're doing that too, now.

feeling mathy today.. and tired..

via more new math




ima pooped... gotta rest up for the weekend...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

what about dog craft nite?


so my friend kelly rae is making a quilt for her friend slim who is having a baby.. kelly laid out all the pieces on the floor and i threw my ball near by and messed up her layout a few times, so she put it all on the table so i couldn't play.. and she put the wine on the table so i couldn't drink.. what about dog craft nite kell? plushy dog toys, dog bed, collar... come on' DO IT....

Monday, April 20, 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009

super hot san francisco weekend...

hangin' in OB with some ladies.. trying to find the shade..


early run at fort funston sunday morning

Thursday, April 16, 2009

dog scarf

craft nite turned to tamales and wine.. and me being monkey face on kelly.. growl..

Friday, April 10, 2009

spring is in the air..


view of SF from holly park in bernal heights..

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

i heart dolores park rainbows..


heart rain since it's what brings out the rainbows in life.


i heart dolores park view of city and orange balls.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

best San Francisco Day ever... with my peeps..

checking surf at ocean beach


janet and me


dog sniffing


kelly making sand dog


ball play with alli face


ball play with alli face

Sunday, April 5, 2009

eyes closed. mouth open. woof. woof.

would this count as a bizarre sleeping positon?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

what's your most bizarre sleeping position?


earth dog just posted their april contest. PHOTOGRAPH of the most unique/bizarre sleeping position. send your photo to iwannawin@earthdog.com and include your collar choice, name and address. WINNING PHOTO will be posted on their blog, on april 27. wish me luck. ps. that's not me.

Dog Speak via new software, ITCH

I finally made my newspaper debut by being one of the first dogs to use the new software ITCH to understand humans. why else am i able to blog?

The West Highland Herald

Revolutionary Software Helps Dogs Understand Humans.

BONN—Scientists announced a breakthrough that promises to make it possible for dogs to actually understand what humans say. Interrelational Technology for Canines and Humans, or ITCH, will process any word emitted from a human and translate the meaning in a matter of seconds.

Preliminary testing of ITCH has revealed some startling discoveries. The common human phrase, “Wanna go for a walk?” does not mean “Hey, look, a dead squirrel!” as was previously thought. Instead, it means, “Want to go out and bark at stuff ?” Even more surprisingly, the phrase, “Who’s my whittle doggy-woggy poo!” translates roughly to “I am a human who loves to act like a complete buffoon around you.”

ITCH is already the buzz of the dog world. “It will be so nice to not just stare at my owner and cock my head when he’s talking to me,” commented Lucy, an excited Norwich Terrier. Scientists did warn that the software does have limitations. Full dog/human conversations are still decades away. That means we’re just going to have to wait to get the answer to that burning question: “Why do you always pick up my poop?”

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

woot woot!

doggie bed is packed. coming back to SF on Saturday